i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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