I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
