I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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