This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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