I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
did you just send me my own nude
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
