he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Randomize
