LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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