Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
