i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
