Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize