I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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