I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The air taste purple.
Randomize
