So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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