I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Randomize
