I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
