i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
