It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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