I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
