Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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