Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
