She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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