mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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