At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
In America we eat man semen.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
