I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
