this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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