So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
