i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize