So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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