That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
