So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
