Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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