Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
