nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
