i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Randomize
