no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
