what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
