i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
