I can text with my tongue
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
