I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
