Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
