I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
