I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
