so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
