Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
