you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
