She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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