I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
