We got so high we made milksteak
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
