My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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