I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
