Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
