New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
