Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
