There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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