i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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