her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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