omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
