This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
